I almost can’t believe it. Tomorrow, Mom has been gone for a whole year. It’s been a year since I’ve hugged her or heard her voice. More than a year since we’ve gone to Sonic, baked pan cookies, or gone shopping. I miss her more than I can put into words. I literally sat down and cried as I began writing this. And, while I’m thankful that we, as Christians, do not grieve without hope, I cannot claim that we grieve without pain.
I know that everyone grieves differently, and at their own pace. Some days, I’m just mad that she isn’t here. That she won’t get to meet her grandkids … that they won’t get to know the best GiGi ever. Other days, I’m sad. Sad that life doesn’t look the way it used to, or the way that we planned. But, in the midst of those sad/mad/just plain hard days, God has brought so much good. Good times with family, good friends, good support. Days that we remember and laugh and have fun and celebrate life.
And, even though those sad/mad/hard days aren’t completely behind me (and, likely never will be), I’m thankful for a God who works all things for our good. I’m thankful for the people who stay, instead of backing out when things are hard. I’m thankful for every person who has taken the time to share memories of Mom with me. I’m thankful for the prayers, the cards, the texts that come at just the right time. And, most of all, I’m thankful for our God, who gives us beauty for ashes.
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointedme
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.”
Isaiah 61:1-3
autumnpride 
Autumn- Thinking of Gayla moments today – I remember when she and i were shopping for outfits for Pure Energy tour – I think it was at Penney’s. We were looking for 60+ black skirts and generally having a grand time with lots of laughter, as usual. The clerk came over and said “I love seeing sisters having such a good time shopping together!” Of course we looked at each other and cracked up laughing. I don’t think we corrected her but rather decided that day that we were sisters. One weekend, Don and Gayla came up to spend the weekend with us in Springdale. When they arrived, I informed Gayla she and I had to go to the wedding of one of my clients. She was concerned that all she had with her was a pair of black slacks, so we both wore black and went to the wedding – she was a true friend! Of course it was the Massey family who stayed behind to help us after David’s wedding and one of many helpers at Jenny’s. That’s a debt I’d hoped to partially repay at your wedding, Autumn. However, as I should have known, you two were so organized I was hardly needed! Especially my last year in Benton before joining Curt in Dallas, I’d drop by Sonic for her diet Coke and then stop by to visit while the kids were asleep.
She was my faithful phone buddy on the many trips I made from OKC back to Arkansas – hard to believe the two of us could talk non-stop for 3+ hours!! Not really hard at all! She was my source of what’s going on in Benton – willing to answer my many questions about all of you. These stories could go on and on. I love and miss her so. Love you, Autumn! Karen
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