One Year

I almost can’t believe it. Tomorrow, Mom has been gone for a whole year. It’s been a year since I’ve hugged her or heard her voice. More than a year since we’ve gone to Sonic, baked pan cookies, or gone shopping. I miss her more than I can put into words. I literally sat down and cried as I began writing this. And, while I’m thankful that we, as Christians, do not grieve without hope, I cannot claim that we grieve without pain.

I know that everyone grieves differently, and at their own pace. Some days, I’m just mad that she isn’t here. That she won’t get to meet her grandkids … that they won’t get to know the best GiGi ever. Other days, I’m sad. Sad that life doesn’t look the way it used to, or the way that we planned. But, in the midst of those sad/mad/just plain hard days, God has brought so much good. Good times with family, good friends, good support. Days that we remember and laugh and have fun and celebrate life. 

And, even though those sad/mad/hard days aren’t completely behind me (and, likely never will be), I’m thankful for a God who works all things for our good. I’m thankful for the people who stay, instead of backing out when things are hard. I’m thankful for every person who has taken the time to share memories of Mom with me. I’m thankful for the prayers, the cards, the texts that come at just the right time. And, most of all, I’m thankful for our God, who gives us beauty for ashes.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

    because the Lord has anointedme

    to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

    to proclaim freedom for the captives

    and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

    and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

    and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty

    instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

    instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

    instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

    a planting of the Lord

    for the display of his splendor.”

Isaiah 61:1-3

“But if not …”

I did the Beth Moore Daniel study a few years ago with a group of girls. I highly recommend it, if you’ve never studied Daniel before! I learned SO much!!! One part of the book that’s always stuck out to me is the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. These men are thrown into a fiery furnace for refusing to worship a gold idol that King Nebuchadnezzar had erected. When threatened by the King, this was their response, 

‘Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”’ Daniel 3:16-18

“But even if he does not …” 

Those words have been showing up everywhere I go lately! Signs in a store, posts on a friend’s Facebook wall … All saying ‘But if not, He is still good.’

I realize that is not an exact Scripture quote, but I think it captures something about the heart of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They loved, trusted, and served God so much, that they were truly okay whatever happened. Even getting thrown into a fiery furnace!! 
Now, for those who don’t know the story, I’ll spoil the ending. They get bound and thrown into the furnace, but they DON’T DIE! God shows up. Nebuchadnezzar sees a FOURTH man walking around in the flames with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and calls them out. They don’t even SMELL like smoke. God showed up, and King Nebuchadnezzar’s heart was changed.
Here’s what God’s been showing me. Everyone’s story is different. Not everyone has a story ending like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Sometimes God says no. Sometimes He has a different plan. Sometimes He does not heal the cancer here. Sometimes He does not prevent the job loss. Sometimes He does not give us the child we so desperately wanted. Sometimes He does not … But if not, He is STILL good.
Some parts of life are hard, and ugly, and exhausting, and lonely, and we just don’t understand. But, when we can’t trace His plan, we can trust His heart. He is still good. And, He WILL work good out of our situation. That doesn’t mean that everything that happens to us IS good. Just that we serve a God who is big enough and good enough to work good out of it.

“And, we know that, for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28